God is great, but sometimes life ain’t good…

Hello Friends.  It’s been a minute or two since I updated last.  I usually use this blog to update every month or two about my #VSG progress, or lack thereof…but this is a different kind of entry.  It’s pretty much a copy and paste of what’s happened in the life of my family over the course of the last 10 days.  In a nutshell, my 46 year old husband, Jason, went to Duke Medical Center in Durham, NC, for a fairly routine heart-related procedure called a ventricular tachycardia ablation.  It’s pretty much where a surgeon uses a laser to clear the scar tissue in the heart so that the electricity can flow freely again.  Jason has a 2 year history of “VT” or vertical tachycardia…AKA a very high heartbeat that will not slow down unless his pacemaker/defibrillator shocks it back into corrected rhythm.

Friday, December 16 we went in.  I posted this on my Facebook on the morning of December 17 @11:14 am after our first night in ICU:

Dear Family and Friends- I come to you with an urgent need for prayer for my family.
I debated on whether to put this situation on Facebook or not. It’s well known I am an over-sharer, but I am also an over-feeler and over-lover and teaching myself to reach for help when I need it and I have never needed it more. It has been hard for me to keep up with texts and emails, and informing people that want to know about Jason, so I am hoping this reaches all of the people that care about him. He will get mad at me for making a fuss and posting all this on facebook, but let him get mad.
My husband, Jason, is in the Neurosciences ICU at Duke. We came to Duke Friday at 6am for a normal, routine procedure called a ventricular tachycardia ablation. As you may remember, Jason had his first VT episode 2 years ago and has since had an ICD (pacemaker/defibrillator) put in his chest. When his heart rate gets too high, the pacemaker shocks his arrhythmia back into regular rhythm. The purpose of the ablation yesterday was to use laser technology to pinpoint the areas of the heart that were blocked by scarring. The good news is that the ablation procedure was a success and Jason did great throughout the surgery, which took about 4 hours.
The bad news is that he suffered a stroke during the process. An ultrasound taken 4 months ago did not show a blood clot that was in his heart. The ablation surgeon did not know there was a clot, and while he was doing the ablation, he provoked the clot and it went to his brain. After he came out of ablation surgery, we at first thought he was just over sedated and just really loopy, as expected because he needed a good deal of sedation for that surgery. It became clearly very quickly that he was not responding to commands, couldn’t speak, and had no use of the right side of his body. Within the hour of one procedure ending, a new one began. The Duke Neurosurgeon team did a CT scan that showed a clot in his brain and soon after did an angiogram to retrieve and remove the clot. They actually retrieved 2 clots, while one remains in his heart.
Due to the stroke, he has limited vocabulary and no use of his right side to date. BUT- since he came to the ICU yesterday, he has already made huge improvements. He knows he’s at Duke, knows his name, mine, his daughters, and our pets’ names. Even the damn cat he doesn’t care for much- Daphne. Yesterday he knew none of that. He can resume normal diet today, which is awesome since he’s not had anything to eat since Thursday night. Can say small sentences. Yesterday when our kids visited him for the first time in ICU, his eyes welled up with tears and he couldn’t speak. He was overwhelmed with emotion and frustration but at least it was a reaction to seeing them and it was both wonderful and heartbreaking at the same time. Baby steps. We’ll get there. Funny things that have happened since last night….he farted and giggled about it….when I kissed him on the lips, he kissed me back…and I said “Even after all that has happened, you’re still a good kisser!” He instantly said “YES I AM!” quite proudly! Keeps talking about Green Eggs and Ham….and potato chips. LOL.
He was in a lot of discomfort last night and was vocal about it. He could only say to me “GOOD GOD”. As if to say “Good, God, woman! Can’t you help me?!” He couldn’t communicate in words what he needed. He had to lie still for several hours due to the punctures in the groin area for the procedures, which makes his back ache. He’s got all kinds of tubes and cords coming off his body and it pisses him off. But all the while, he still gives me a smile and his ornery tell-tale wink to me. That’s when I know he’s ok.
It is hard to know what the future holds for Jason. We are told recovery is most important from now until the next 6 months. The progress that is made between now and then will be very telling. If I know my husband, he’s going to work like hell to resume a long, healthy life with our family. I am incredibly proud of how hard he has worked. Since I met him in 1995, he’s been my life. We are just 2 months shy of celebrating 20 years of marriage. We’ve had bumps in the road of life and this is just one of them. He’s been there for our daughters and me as our head of the family, provider our needs and wants, giver of hugs and kisses when they are needed, walker of sick babies in the middle of the night. Bank of Graham when little girls have a need. Proud Daddy of awesome daughters. And often the sole source of reason at times when I am unreasonable. But most of all, the keeper of the key to my heart. I can safely say that barring the death of my Daddy, yesterday was the second worst day of my life. I had a long chat with Jesus yesterday. Hospital floors are dirty and full of nasty germs, but I still got down on my knees in the ICU and asked for guidance. And if you ever wondered, even for a second if prayers are answered- the progress Jason has made in less than 24 hours is all the proof of an answered prayer. God is good, ya’ll!
We’ll be at Duke for the next week most likely. He will leave ICU tomorrow and then we’ll move to another room for the week, and then to rehab. Not sure where that will be just yet. But no matter where we are in this journey, he needs your prayers. Prayers for healing and recovery. Prayers that I know how to take care of him when we get home. Prayers for patience during pathology and physical therapy. Prayers for the medical staff who are helping him find his way back to us. Please, please, please keep him in your prayers.
Big thanks to my neighbors and friends who have helped with transportation for Haley and the care of our pets. And those who’ve been letting me send random texts and let me cry on your shoulder. Jason’s Mother, Brother and Father have all been to see him and are staying with us as much as they can. But if you can spare a few extra names on your prayer list, please add them to it. It’s hard to watch someone who was once vibrant, strong, and stubborn no longer be themselves even temporarily. Sending a shout out to both of our co-workers who have already started picking up our duties while we are on the road to recovery.
Thank you all so much! XOXO Dawn (Haley and Hollyann, too!)
Jeremiah 29:11
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future!”

Also December 17: 9:35pm:

I’ve often thought the best sounds were little girl giggles, melodies , harmonies, rain on a tin roof, or waves crashing into the ocean. They are all sweet… but today I declare the sound of my own name from my husband’s lips to be the sweetest of songs I’ll ever hear💛💗 been listening to him say it all day and never gets ol

December 18 10:33pm

Hi Family and Friends. Many have texted/called/emailed me and asked for a status. Hard to keep up with what I have told to whom, so I think this way is best. Again, sorry for over-sharing but it’s the only way I know.
We are still in ICU. Day 3. We are still here because Jason is getting an IV drip full of Heparin, which is a blood thinner. We need to achieve therapeutic levels, so we started with a small dose and keep increasing every 6 hours. We need these meds due to the clot still in his heart. But we get the meds in stages because we don’t want to have bleeding on/around the brain, either. I saw my first ever CT scan images last night with our nurse. She asked if I would like to see them so I could better understand his situation.
Seeing them was mostly a blessing, but kind of a bummer. These last few days have been filled with huge highs and lows. I feel euphoria at times when I see the progress Jason has made since we arrived in ICU Friday night. When he got here, he couldn’t talk at all. He can now carry on sentences with me, knows what the month/date is, knows who people/objects are. He knows his name, my name, our relationship to each other…our kids, etc. He knows where he is and why. Looking at the CT Scan, the nurse showed me that the big gray area I saw was the area of the brain that is affected. It’s a huge area on his left side and a small area near the base of his head also on the left side. While I had been so joyful all day about the progresses, seeing the scan brought me back to reality really quickly. The injury to his brain is huge. I kind of lost control of my emotions seeing the scan. We know it will be a long road to recovery. I wiped my eyes and went back into Jason’s room. Immediately, he said “you’re crying.” I said I wasn’t. He reached for my hand and said “We are going to be ok” incredibly clear. Even Friday night in the wee hours of the morning, he said “we will make it.” And I told him each time I believe him. We WILL be ok.
He has had the speech pathology people visit each day to work on communication. He sometimes gets confused and says something he didn’t mean to say and gets frustrated. For example- speech folks asked him if the utensil in his hand was a fork or a spoon. It was a fork, but he answered spoon. And he knew it was incorrect. Brain is sending a delayed message. We wrote the 2 choices on the white board and asked him to point to which utensil he was holding, and he pointed correctly to the fork. We just have to ask him in different ways. He can use utensils in his left hand, which is not his dominate hand. It’s difficult for him, but he can do it. We try to make him do as many things independently as we can right out of the gate so he knows not to depend on us all the time. That is difficult for me to do because I want to nurture and care for him.
We should be getting to go to a step down room tomorrow and out of ICU. We had hoped for that today, but the meds need to do their work. We get 1 to 1 care here in ICU, so I am not complaining. The staff here at Duke is excellent. Jason complained of a slight headache tonight, so he’s been given some Tylenol to help ease the pain. He’s been able to tell us his pain level on a 1-10 scale. It was a 4.
Still no movement on his right side. We show him his right hand and put it in his left hand so he can SEE his own hand and help move his arm/hand for circulation. That side is swollen and stiff due to non-movement. Same for his right leg. Each hour, we move his leg for him just to get a good range of motion to prevent swelling and stiffness. Every hour, the nurse comes in and asks him questions, checks vitals, helps him wiggle his toes and such to make sure he keeps his brain and body active. Jason is not a fan of when they come in and pinch the leg, foot, or arm of the right side. He can’t voluntarily move that side, but he CAN FEEL on that side.
He’s been in good spirits and even a bit of a jokester. He and Haley had a really good visit today. Jason’s mom, nephew, brother, and father all visited today, as did my mom and my sister. He was out of the (damn) bed for most of the day and in the reclining chair in his room. The nurse used a sling type thing to get him from bed to chair. I say it was the damn bed because that’s how we refer to it since lying there so long causes his back to hurt. Sitting in the chair also makes him sleep less in the daytime, and promotes better rest in the evening. He has been really uncomfortable at night due to the bed.
I must brag on Haley a bit. She’s having to do some big girl/grown up things that she’s not accustomed to. She’s holding the household down while I am at Duke or running back and forth to get necessary things. She stayed with her dad today from about noon to six so I could go home and grab a shower and a nap. Many people have asked how I am, which baffles me since this is not at all about ME. But for those of you who’ve asked, I did get a good 2 hour nap in my own bed today, which made a world of difference. I was starting to get a little punchy and cranky this morning due to sleep deprivation. She and my Mother-in-Law stayed all day together while I went to recharge. Since the nap, I feel stronger and less weepy/sad. Haley is like Jason in so many ways. Though I would say she is a Mama’s Girl, she is definitely her father’s daughter. She asked me if her Dad could read messages. I said I think so, and if he couldn’t, I would read it to him. I hope I don’t embarrass her by sharing this, but her message to him was:

“Hi dad, I just wanted to write this to you because I don’t know what’s going on in your head, I’m sure there’s lots goin on up there buddy. I just wanted to let you know that I love you so much, I will always love you, I would love you even if you couldn’t speak another word. But I know you can 🙂 you’re still my guy, you’re still my best friend. I can’t even begin to understand how difficult it must be for you to say what you want to say right now. You’re still my hero. I just want to bury my head in your chest and hug you forever. I also know you’re not yourself right now, and that it might be difficult to get back to who you were or who you’re going to be, so just come back to me when you can dad 🙂 I’ll be here. I love you to the moon and further buddy See you soon.”

Jason could see the letters and read some of her words by himself but the text was a little too small. I read it to him and at the end, I saw him smile. I asked him who he thought sent it to him. He immediately said “Haley.” I asked if he could reply to her, what would he say? “I love you, Haley. I’ll be back soon.”
Just stick a fork in me because I was DONE. DONE DONE DONE.
I am sure I am leaving a lot out but that’s what I have for now. THANK YOU FOR YOUR PRAYERS. We love them and feel all of your love and support. We’ll move to a different room hopefully tomorrow, and be there for about a week, and then to a rehab facility. Some have asked about visiting Jason. Unfortunately, he does not want visitors yet. I hope you understand that it is not that he doesn’t want to see friends. He just doesn’t want anyone to see him in his current state.
Many have asked what they can do for us. Right now, all we really need are prayers for his healing and recovery. As for me, I wish I knew what I needed. I haven’t had time to think about it, but I promise when I figure it out, I WILL ask for help.
We love you and appreciate the outpouring of support for our family. I will try to update every few days on his progress. God is good and is in control. I know He makes no mistakes. Healing is on the way.
Feeling Blessed,
Jason and his family

December 19, 6:35 Pm:

Finally- some positive news -Jason is out of ICU and in a regular room now, still in the Stroke Care Unit. Will be here for the next few days- maybe a week. Then to rehab center. Every day is better than the one before. God is good, y’all. We feel your prayers. THANK YOU for raising him up – he’s still got a long road ahead. Keep ’em coming🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻❤️

December 20: 11:08AM:
I don’t know what kinda crazy prayer acrobatics y’all are doing out there- but they are WORKING! Please don’t stop❤️ will post later tonight but this morning has been full of so much GOOD!

December 20: 9:57pm

Good Evening, friends and family! Are you ready for a post full of GOOD?!?!?!? You prayer warriors have been at it big time! We feel every single one of them and know how blessed we are! Here is a recap of our day at Duke.
First off, I didn’t think it would start off as such a great day because Jason did not sleep at all last night. He told me this as soon as I woke up from my sorta-kinda-sleep on the twin size couch-bed thingy in his room. His discomfort is from the bed and his back, but also because he has an orthotic boot on his weak foot to hold his foot in an upright position. This will help with circulation and keep the weak foot from drooping in a downward position. Luckily, our nurse took the boot off for several hours so he could rest.
The day quickly took a turn for the better! Soon after this, I was massaging his weak foot to get the circulation going. The nurse had asked him if heat or ice would help the foot feel better. Jason said “rubbing” the foot would help. I told the nurse I’d rub/massage his foot, while inside I was telling myself that I’d KISS his foot if it meant he would feel less pain. Thankfully I didn’t have to. And if you know me well, you know I don’t like feet! LOL. While I was rubbing the weak foot he said “WOW! That was a big one!” I thought he was playing fart games again. He wasn’t. I was looking at him, he was looking at me and showed me he was MOVING HIS RIGHT THUMB! He couldn’t do that 3 days ago! We consider that to be quite an accomplishment! SO. That was good thing number 1 for today. (Good thing number three if you count I didnt have to kiss his feet and that he didn’t fart and giggle about it.)
Right after the awesome thumb-wiggling episode, the neuro doctor came in for his exam. He did many things during the visit, but most notably, he asked him to try to squeeze his knees inward towards each other. And again, that right side moved just a weeeeeee little bit in toward the left,. But he DID IT!!! He couldn’t do that 3 days ago, either!
I want to quote the doctor when I say this next part. He was telling Jason that the progress he is making within the first few days is important and amazing. And that most patients who show this kind of progress do walk again. He said to Jason: “YOU WILL WALK AGAIN. YOU MUST BELIEVE THIS.” and Jason nodded his head in agreement. We both believe it. Good thang #2!
Ready for good thing #3? After Neuro doctor left, the physical therapy tech came in. Courtney worked with us yesterday and today. She uses this tall crane looking thing with a sling on it to get Jason out of the bed and into the chair in his room. Before getting to the chair, she will get him to the side of the bed in standing position so he can stretch the back muscles and help him find his “center” as he tends to lean on one side during the day. While this PT session was happening, I had gone downstairs to grab lunch. HIs mom, brother, and father were there, so I felt comfortable leaving. Little did I know what would happen while I was away for 30 minutes! Jason walked about 15 feet from what I understand, with Courtney’s help! She supported his right side and nudged his right foot along, but he still walked, yall! I was so sorry I missed this! But I told him again for the t67687698004 time in the last 4 days that I love him and how incredibly proud of him I am!
IF that were not enough good for one day- get this…I got to come home about 1pm today, courtesy of Jason’s dad dropping me off at home. I was able to take a wonderful, glorious, 3 hour awesome nap in my own bed (On Jason’s side of the bed!). Doesn’t it always figure that right when you’re getting settled and comfy that the damn phone rings? Grumpily I answered. Turns out it was the case worker from Duke. She’d gone to visit Jason in his room while his mom/brother were there. We are moving to a rehab center within the next 2 to 3 days! He’s progressing so well that they feel he is an excellent candidate for acute therapy and will be moved ASAP. We had 3 location choices: UNC, Duke or WakeMed. Obviously we chose WakeMed due to the proximity of where we live. Case worker asked Jason first which one he preferred and he chose Wake, just as I would have. Jason is keenly aware of EVERYTHING that is happening around him. He knows why he’s there, what happened, who people are, their relationship to him…is cell phone number, the date, upcoming events like Christmas (and my birthday ’cause you know he’d never live it down if he forgot that!). He knows where we had our first date. He knows our anniversary. He tells me daily he loves me. And on a funny note, when the nurses ask him yes/no questions, and the answer is NO…he automatically says “No thank you” because even though he’s in the hospital, I won’t let him forget his manners:) LOL. He feeds himself with his left arm, which is hard because the right is dominant. SO. MUCH. GOOD!
So. Once we move and he gets stronger, I will let yall know when and if he wants visitors. Right now he prefers no visitors, but he is aware of your love and prayers for him! I am going back in the morning, and should hear more tomorrow or Thursday about rehab. I am so hoping we get there before Christmas so we can decorate his room a little for the holiday and share family time with him. Christmas has a whole new meaning to us this year. It is about Jesus’ birth. It is about family. It is NOT about gifts. We really feel blessed to receive your thoughts and prayers. I can’t thank you enough. How else do you explain this magnificent progress? Jason’s strength combined with his faith and your prayers! That’s what it’s all about, friends! God is so good and so are YOU! I swear, if I get the chance to hug your neck sometime throughout this process, I promise you I will.
For tonight, I am defying the no-dogs-on-the-bed ruling and gathering Bo, Sugar, and my sweet Stinkerbell and we are gonna talk. Or not talk. Watch something mindless on tv. Or not talk at all. Whatever she wants.Tomorrow morning I will go back and resume my support for Jason but tonight I will be a Mommy to my Haley. And Jason’s Mom is getting to mother her 46 year old ‘baby” and I know she’s happy to do it!
Please keep the prayers coming. We hear/feel them all and to say thank you will never, ever be enough. We are keeping the faith!
XOXOXO, Dawn, Hollyann and Haley!

December 21: 6;42pm

Day 5 update from Duke. We continue to feel the power of your love and prayers.
The world sure looks different after 8 hours of continuous sleep! The combination of a very bad sinus/ head cold thing plus the stress of the past few days was making me feel particularly tired and really rundown. My mom in law stayed with jason last night so I could rest and I’m SO thankful! I’m well rested, and happy to be in a better mood to help and enjoy the progress Jason continues to make!

Highlights from the day include Jason being “off the line,” meaning he’s IV and cord/cable free. He’s got so much more mobility since he’s not “attached” to anything. I was able to take him for a short ride around the 8th floor in a wheelchair and he didn’t even complain about my driving! Fear not, friends- I obeyed the speed limit:)
Just as he did yesterday, he walked with assistance down the hallway. Courtney, our physical therapist, is amazing. Jason continues to build his strength and endurance.
He did not sleep well last night. Too hot/too cold and general restlessness kept him awake. Tonight they are giving him a little melatonin to help ease him into restful sleep. I could see how tired he was during speech therapy. He seemed to get frustrated more easily. But still- he’s doing well with speech, too. His responses are quicker and more expressive.

Still no word on when we can bust out of this place and head to WakeMed. I’m hoping its before Christmas Eve. Fingers crossed!

Thank you for continuing to pray for him. When this is all over I hope I can hug yall’s necks in person, and I’m aware that this sentence is grammatically incorrect but don’t care:)
Jason’s strength+faith+God’s love + your prayers! His recovery is not without struggle but is genuinely amazing to witness💜
Love ALL y’all!
Xoxo, Dawn

 

December 21 9:11pm:
#WLS was over 8 months ago. I often beat myself up because I haven’t had typical weight loss as other #VSG patients at this point in my journey. My 57 pound loss did not seem important or significant until tonight when I was able to lay my body beside Jason‘s in his hospital bed and help him fall asleep after several restless nights at Duke. If that’s winning, I don’t know what is. Gone are the days where I question the weight capacity on stuff. #worthit #sweetdreamsbaby

December 22 @ 11:17am:

So listen. Literally:) I realize my choice in music isn’t interesting to everyone, but wanted to see if you’d take a listen to one of my favorites from David Nail. I think when you love music as much as I do, there’s a song for every situation in life. Like when we first start dating “the one” you have a favorite song. Or when you have a child, there’s a particular song that describes that miracle. Or your first kiss..there’s a song that immediately takes you back to that time.

I came across this song when David’s album came out earlier this year, and it coincided with a situation that Jason and I struggled with just a few months ago. It’s called “Fighter.” Marriage is full of wonder and beautiful moments. But it can also be filled with bumps in the road. Small speed bumps and also huge sinkholes! Luckily, our marriage has been filled with more good than bad. More happy than sad. More ups than downs. I don’t think Jason expected me to be a “fighter”. I am fighting for him. And he’s fighting for himself…for me….and for our family. And I couldn’t be more proud to be his wife.
“Don’t think I don’t see the way you struggle, watching me struggle
Don’t think that I dont feel you turn away, everytime I turn away
Please believe that I believe when I’m praying
That your right beside me prayin’ for the same thing”
Give a listen if you have time today. This has become our fight song. Our personal anthem♥
I give you…Fighter from David Nail.

December 22 at 12:22pm ·
I usually wait until the evening to post about the events of Jason’s day, but the morning has been filled with so much joy that I have to share early!
1. he slept well and is well rested, more alert and generally happier.
2. Eating well.
3. I just watched him walk down the hall with the Courtney, physical therapist/angel a couple of times. She has to help him kick the weak foot out, but he’s WALKING, Y’ALL!
4. He practiced getting up and down at least 20 times and many of those without her assistance!
5. He’s more vocal about what he wants/needs and continues to follow “thank you” when he says “no” ’cause just ’cause we are in the hospital doesn’t mean he can slack off on the manners.LOL. He is full of yes/no/please and can also manage sentences about 3-5 words.
6. The biggest one today is this: He’s ready for acute rehab. And as long as his insurance approves today, we’re moving to WakeMed Rehab tomorrow, most likely before 1pm BUT we need BCBS to approve today. And from what I am told, they are of the most difficult to work with on approvals. SO, prayer warriors, we need some extra prayers…mojo, good ju-ju, whatever you want to call it…we need them to approve today so we can bust out of this place tomorrow and ROCK some REHAB!
I love ALL Y’ALL and your prayer-sayin’, good vibe thinkin’, sweet lovin’ hearts. XOXOXO! Dawn
GOD IS SO GOOD!!!!!

December 22 at 11:23pm ·
Night 7 from Duke. Our last night here. So thankful for the progress Jason has made in the last week! We came here for a routine procedure that was over by noon last Friday. Within an hour of that procedure ending, another one began. I signed a document to give doctors permission to remove a blood clot from Jason’s brain and save his life. Signed my name, closed my eyes, fell (literally) to my knees and asked Jesus for guidance. He heard my prayers, and the prayers of all you prayer warriors. Although I am super excited for tomorrow’s transfer to Rehab, I am sad that tonight is my last for a while with my husband. Tomorrow night I will sleep in my own bed while he sleeps in one foreign to him. But that bed will become a place of comfort for his tired body at night after days of rehabilitation. I know he has work to do! Progress to make. Strength to gain so he can find his way back to me and our home. Uncertain times for us ahead. We may be apart temporarily, but neither of us will be alone ❤
Isaiah 41:10
Fear not, for I am with you;
Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you,
Yes, I will help you,
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand
December 23 at 1:06pm ·
See ya, Duke! We are outta here! Looking forward to rocking rehab at WakeMed. God is so good! Merry Christmas, y’all!
December 23 at 8:25pm
Not the best photo of us but might be the best day of my life. If you are looking for a miracle – Christmas or otherwise-look no further. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR LOVE AND PRAYERS! This is the best Christmas ever.

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12/25 9:07am

Jason couldn’t come home for Christmas, so a little Christmas came to him at the hospital! Merry Christmas from our family to yours! This is the best Christmas of my life❤️🎁

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12:26 12:54pm

I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas! Jason’s family and mine have been burning up the road to and from WakeMed since he was transferred on the 23rd! We celebrated Christmas together yesterday, complete with his mom’s fantastic home cooking! We spent a couple of hours in the rehab dining room all together. It was wonderful and weird all at once, with more wonderful than weird😉
This week we find our temporary normal schedule. Jason has an hour each of occupational, physical, and speech therapy. He has breaks in between and is usually done by 2 or 3 each day. Thanks to my wonderful employer and manager, I’m able to work remotely from anywhere. I’m hoping to start early morning and be done by 3 so I can visit Jason after his therapies and stay into the evenings. The rehab staff said I’m welcome to work from there as well. That way I can see him between therapies and also see what they actually do! What a blessing to have these opportunities!
While Jason works to get stronger and find his way back to us, I am admittedly having trouble with the guilt I feel for not being with him more. The worst feeling is leaving him in the evenings and not seeing him in the mornings… sometimes not seeing him until the next afternoon. His communication skills are building but he still cannot manage a phone call or text. I know it will get easier. The other guilt is not being with Haley as much as I need to be. She’s had to “adult” way too often this past week. But she’s also been a great source of help and strength. Unfortunately, she’s experiencing ALL THE FEELS, too. Mid week last week she was driving my jeep and during a Daddy-related tearful meltdown, she rear ended a lady in front of her. She is fine, and my jeep only needs a new bumper, but the lady she hit was 4 months pregnant and had 3 kids in the back seat of her sedan. Haley feels awful. We have a court date in early February for the 2 moving violations associated with the accident:(
Who has time for that?!?! LOL. but the jeep is just an unimportant, tangible thing. People are more important and never replaceable.
I also feel guilty that I’ve been terrible with my diet and have been a very bad WLS patient. I’ve not reached my water/protein/ exercise goals -and not sure when I’ll find that again. Hopefully my guilt is a normal feeling and will subside as we travel through the recovery process. There’s no standard operating procedure manual for this process and I’ll simply just do what I can to support my husband and daughters❤️
Jason is now able to use his right hand so much more! While holding his hand yesterday, he gave mine a tight squeeze! We find delight in the small things. Small things have become big ones! I continue to be proud of his strength and willingness to work hard in his healing! I’m blessed and lucky to be his wife.
Some of Jason’s friends have reached out to me on FB, with private messages or friend requests. Please- feel free to “friend” me if you like. Any friend of his is a friend of mine. Well… 99% of you, anyway. Based on what he’s told me, the other 1% are sketchy. LOL. Kidding!
Wishing all of you holiday blessings. Hug your loved ones with hard hugs!
Xoxo Dawn

 12/26: 9;04pm

Today was Jason’s best day yet! I hadn’t seen him since last night, which was making me sad. He was well rested, and very happy to see Haley and me. He was so much more articulate and FUNNY! His quick wit is coming back and so is his ability to speak. Today was a GOOD day! First day in the last ten that I didn’t cry:) Even though I found out it’s gonna cost $832 to fix my Jeep, I STILL didn’t cry:) Woop Woop!

 

 

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2 thoughts on “God is great, but sometimes life ain’t good…

  1. Oh my gosh, I don’t even know what to say. I’m so sorry that this is happening to you all and I sincerely hope that your husband recovers quickly. There must be an enormous amount of worry and stress for you right now and it sounds like you’re doing an amazing job of managing it. I’ll be thinking of you and your family. xx

    • Thank you, MIchelle! He is in rehab now and doing so much better. Unfortunately, he will be away from us for 6-8 weeks total. We’ve never been apart that long. But I feel strong and so does he. He has the hardest part- getting better and stronger! I just have to keep the home fires burning. Easy, right?! LOL. I REALLY have to get back to the bariatric rules of life. I have lost a couple of pounds, but still stalling around 59 pounds lost and it’s been almost 9 months. I am a very slow loser. But this episode in our lives has really set me back a bit. Thanks for your kind thoughts. I hope you had a wonderful holiday. Have a blessed 2017!

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