Hi. Last time I blogged, it was for my five month post-weight loss surgery update. I was on the struggle bus then…and I am still on it. And until today, I was really, really letting myself get down about my slow progress. I decided to change my tune and sing a different song.
The last part of August and into mid-September was a really difficult time for me. I found it difficult to stay on track because I let myself derail from the track. I have never once gotten sick from food, and am able to eat most things. I feel fortunate that I have not had anything bad happen, especially when I read about VSG folks who can no longer tolerate specific foods. BUT- just because I CAN eat them does not mean I SHOULD. I struggle with carbs. Most days I keep them under/about 50 grams per day. But admittedly, there are days when I eat more. Not by a huge amount, but more than 50. I also struggle with portion sizes. I can eat a 1/2 cup of food or more now. That might be normal for some, but most folks can’t eat that much at the six month stage from what I am gathering. Add these struggles to a TERRIBLE mistake I made at work that caused a downward spiral into a hole of sadness and frustration and what did I make? I big ole-heaping-helping of cry-baby-pie.
Pie is not on my diet. So I am not eating it anymore. Like ever. Thankfully, the issue I caused at work can be rectified. I wore the guilt around me like a ball and chain. I cried for days. But, being the awesome employer that I have- they knew it was just a mistake and wasn’t characteristic of my typical work.
But damn, those weeks were awful. And the scale showed it, too. Right before I left for vacation September 10th, I had gained about 5 pounds due to the bad eating and drinking choices for those 2 weeks. I was so busy trying find/fix the issue that I was working 12+ hours a day and not exercising. Exercise for me is like medicine. I took the medicine away temporarily and my body reacted.
When I came back from my wonderful, much needed beach vacation, I was certain I’d have a higher gain, but actually weighed a pound less. I’m still trying to get to the weight I was in August and get my butt back on track. I don’t feel good. This is not me. I can do better and I will do better.
I am going into my office tomorrow, so I have to wear business appropriate attire. Since I work from home a lot, my wardrobe is usually shorts and a t-shirt. Tonight I tried on some clothes I recently purchased to make sure I had something appropriate to wear into the office. I came across the black pants you see in the picture below. Those are the pants I wore last March prior to surgery. I put them on just for giggles and giggle I did! I will not badger myself anymore about this slow loss. 50-ish pound loss is slow for a VSG-er but it’s what it is for ME. I know I will lose more. I just have to refocus and get at it. I have about 30 to go. It is PROGRESS. It is not the finished product and I need to stop telling myself that I suck because I am losing so slowly.
This is a terrible picture. I had just come back from a walk. I wasn’t exactly photo-ready. Instead I was a hot mess and asked my husband to take this picture.
The next time I get down on myself, I need to look at this again. Size 22 pants on a now 14/16 size me. And I am not done.
I got this. And if you are struggling with your weight loss and beating yourself up about it, STOP it. NOW. It is counter-productive and it steals the joy you’re allowed to have. Talk to yourself like someone you love. Give yourself a pat on the back, but also kick your own ass if you must to get it in gear. That’s my focus.
Thanks for reading. I will check in again soon, I promise ❤