Hello again- during my last blog entry, I mentioned trying to post more often. Oops:)
This entry is a little heavier than the others I’ve posted. Rarely do I get into topics that friends might consider controversial, but this topic has been on my heart for a couple of months now. And I experienced a resurgence of those feelings late last week. I just can’t let it go.
You likely know I am somewhat of a fence-sitter. While there may be a discussion going on between friends, or an issue taking place in my work life, home life, or a topic on social media- I tend to steer clear of saying things to make others unhappy. Religion and Politics are topics I keep to myself most of the time. I think I can still have my opinion and beliefs without shoving them down your throat. And I can respect your beliefs without badgering you. Just consider me Switzerland. Neutral territory.
But there is ONE thing I will not be silent about, and it happens to be a very volatile topic on social media in the last couple of months since the Supreme Court’s ruling about same sex marriages being legal in all states. Most of you know I have a gay daughter. She’s an adult now, and we’ve known since she was a teenager. At first when we found out, it seemed like such an ordeal. And my first thought was “It’s my fault.”
It wasn’t my fault. It is nobody’s fault. And though I thought at the time it was the most huge ordeal ever, “my” ordeal was NOTHING compared to what she would go through – and continues to go through now as an adult.
Let me tell you something, folks…if your teenager comes to you and says he or she is gay- have your little freak out moment if you must, but keep in mind the GUTS it takes for that kid to come to you, and keep in mind that he/she will forever be treated very differently and it is not all pleasant or positive. Kids run away to avoid conflict with parents over this. parents distance themselves from kids over this. They cut themselves. KILL themselves over this. They are JUST GAY. And it’s not their choice.
You read correctly. It is my belief that it is NOT their choice to be gay. Why the hell would she purposely choose to be gay when most everyone in her life would come at her with adversity in some way? She’d never push her closest friends away on purpose. She’d never quit a band she loved on purpose. She’d never make me cry on purpose. But all those things happened immediately after her coming out. And those are just smaller things. I worry about her safety in this violent world of senseless killings due to differences in sexuality. She’s little, but she’s strong. And these young adults must be strong in every aspect of their life to survive. Friends will no longer communicate. Finding friends LIKE her becomes a task. Finding someone to LOVE is hard because you rarely can just walk up to someone and ask “Hey, are you gay?”
Back to social media- and really the reason I wanted to post this. A “friend” on facebook posted a video last week from a singer of a well-known Christian band. It was more of a rant instead of a message. Several minutes of “do you guys not realize God is not happy with this same-sex marriage thing/Jesus hates the sin but loves the sinner/ they are going to hell” message.
I’m a fairly quiet, easy going person. I will never say anything on purpose to cause another human pain. But that message caused me great pain because that guy, who is considered a leader in his industry, caused ME great pain and I am straight. Imagine what that message meant to someone who is not?
It brings me to the day the ruling came out- when millions of people, including myself, changed my profile picture to show my support for the ruling. And many on my friends list showed their support of the ruling, and NOT supporting the ruling. I silently rejoiced.
I am not asking you to support it. But here is what I am asking:
If you believe that my kid is going to hell because she is gay, UNFRIEND ME now.
If it is your belief that my daughter should not be permitted marry the person she loves in the eyes of the state, BLOCK ME NOW.
If you believe my gay child should not have ALL the same rights as your straight child, by all means, delete me, block me, unfriend me, whatever it is- do it. Because I just can’t be your true friend. I just can’t.
If you think Jesus does not love my daughter because she is gay, please- let the delete button be your friend.
I am doing us a favor. If you’re a neighbor and you believe any of these above, we can pass by and wave while walking our dogs and not a word needs to be said. We can just be neighbors. Nothing more or less.
If you’re a co-worker, we can discuss our work issues and smile at one another and not one other word needs to be said.
If you’re a family member, we can still pass the peas at family dinner, and continue to be family, but unfortunately, we can’t be friends.
If you’re my facebook friend and you post videos about how my kid is going to hell and I am going with her because I love her, chances are, I’m unfriending you. There is a place for those videos and it’s not for my eyes or my heart.
If you choose to unfriend/delete/block me, not one word will be said. It will be a non-verbal understanding.
I never thought I could feel so passionate about something like this, because at one time, it didn’t affect me. Not only does it affect me, it fuels me. What more can I do for these kids? How can my ignorance, my mistakes when my own daughter was coming out help other parents to avoid the same pitfalls? How can I bring JOY to this situation when often they only find sorrow? We must love them. Support and nurture them. Not humiliate or hurt them.
I’ve heard it said we shouldn’t be upset if we make enemies because it means we actually stood up for something we believe in.So- I will not be sitting on the fence on this topic. I am digging my heels in the sand on this one, folks.
It’s taken me years to conclude this, but where you sit on topics very much defines where you STAND.