Recommit- or be Committed? That is the question.

Merry Christmas, yall! Did you have a good holiday?  Hope everyone enjoyed time with family and friends, and that you didn’t get a lump of coal in your stockings:)

This is the time of year we wind down the current year and lots of us making resolutions for the upcoming New Year.  Mine seems to be the same each year- health and fitness.  Both physically and mentally.  Now that I am really on the mend following ankle surgery, I am starting to get approval from my doctor and physical therapist to include more physical activity in the coming weeks.  I am about 4-6 weeks from my beloved AMT machine and about 3 weeks from being able to try yoga or Pilates. We know how I just luuuuurrrvvvv me some Yoga, right?  Hey- when you’ve lived a pretty sedentary life for months after a couple of years of being overactive, you learn to love the dang recumbent bike and even YOGA.  (Ewww.  Yawn)

Anyway. This year is no different with my resolution. Thinking about it, the most effective way…and safest way–I THINK.  I don’t feel good lately. Without physical activity for several months, I notice I am more tired for no apparent reason.  Stuff hurts more.  Like my knees, my ankles (even the healthy one!) Headaches are more frequent.  And my sleep schedule is ridiculous.  If we’re facebook friends, you know it is very common to post about my sleep issues.  I can sleep 12 hours one night and 2 the next and feel the exact same no matter what.  When I was active, I slept like a champ! I felt good all the time, with the exception of muscle soreness, but that was because I was ready to try new things all the time!  I know some of these issues can be attributed to my getting older.  I turn 46 in a few days and feel every bit of those years today, unfortunately.

So if I feel poorly so often, why would I NOT want to return to my previous active lifestyle, right?

Good question.  I have the answer, I just am somewhat ashamed of it.

To lose the 80 pounds between 2011 and 2013, my schedule went like this:

5am cardio on the elliptical or AMT for one hour.

Go home and wake up Stinkerbell

7 to 7:15: Get her to school and myself to work.

If time allowed, and I worked more than 8 hours in the day, I’d go to the gym close to my office and take an aerobics class on my lunch hour.  Or I’d walk the office complex for an hour on nice days.  I didn’t do this EVERY day, but if it was more than 45 degrees out and I didn’t have to leave early, I was usually outside.  I’d walk 4 miles and burn up a good 400 calories.  And I ate at my desk before/after the walk or class.

5pm, do the “Fuquay 500”, which I unaffectionately nicknamed my commute home.

6pm- figure out dinner for the family. Feed the pets ,start some laundry, change my clothes and head to gym of Stinkerbell didn’t need homework assistance.

one MORE hour of cardio and strength training.  I’d discovered boxing and kickboxing during this time, which is the best thing EVER.  Or I’d go to Body Combat or Body Pump class.  Something to keep it fun so that it didn’t feel treacherous like the dreadmill.  (also known as the damn treadmill)

OR- I’d walk the neighborhood with my girlfriends.  We’d walk and talk together so it didn’t feel so much like a chore.

All the while, I didn’t drink during the week. And when I did have alcohol it was minimal.  I drank ALL THE WATER I could ingest. Watched what I ate to the calorie….I netted 1200 calories when I laid my head down at night…and when I said goodnight I meant it. My body was so tired from the days’ activities that I had no choice but to sleep!

Sleep, Repeat.  Sleep, Repeat.  It was both exhausting and freaking awesome all at once.

Weekends consisted of long distance walks where I’d sometimes be gone for 3 hours.  I bet I’ve walked hundreds of miles.  But while I walked, I listened to music, talked to friends on the phone, thought about stuff and cleared my head- and I also prayed a lot. I had a clear mind, a tired body, but a fit, strong, healthy body.  And a weight that didn’t scare me anymore.  BUT- 5-3 hours of exercise per day detracts from the time I’d ordinarily spend with my family.

So how do I get back THERE?  It seems SO freaking distant.  It takes SO MUCH EFFORT to lose just a few pounds, much less the 40 I’ve regained.

And I drive myself crazy over this gain- which is why I say I need to be committed sometimes.  I say that jokingly, but I’d be lying if I said that the things my mind tells my reflection in the mirror are kind things.

They are not kind.  They are mean. They are shameful.  I wouldn’t say them to an enemy, if I had any.  But I say them to myself because I know I’m stronger and better than who I see in the mirror.  WHY?  Because I lost my way and I am still lost. Because I eat more.  I drink way more. I became more fun in bad ways. I simply lost my footing.  I lost my guidance.  I let my spiritual self take a back seat to whatever else was happening.

I think the best course of action is to start with small steps.  Focus on little goals.  Like set out to lose 6 pounds in January.  Or, if not setting a specific number, say that I will do X amount of classes or X number of minutes this week.  Something attainable without hurting myself .

Because in reality, the injuries I have suffered with my elbow and ankle are directly related to the hyper-active overdrive I was in for 2 years.  I didn’t slow down.  I knew what would happen if I slowed it down.  But sooner than later, those injuries slowed me down on a long term basis.  And I am faced with finding a medium between going bat-shit-crazy-exercise-fiend and sweet gym girl.  Ima tell you what.  Batshit crazy exercise girl gets things DONE.Sweet gym girl watches TV on the elliptical and barely breaks a sweat.  You figure out which one I am gonna strive for:)

It’s all fun and games until my Steelers jersey and my favorite Levi’s no longer fit!

Are you at this juncture?  What do you say to yourself to motivate you into achieving your goals?  Let’s face it….nobody else can do this for me.  I gotta find the grind again. I don’t want to reestablish a wardrobe again.  I might have 4 complete outfits to wear.  None of which are loose on me. However, I have a ton of clothes from my previous weight just staring at me from my closet.  Each trip to the closet is a painful reminder of what was.  Not what IS. So either that crap has to get out, or I gotta find my mojo.

I am gonna come up with a strategy and come January 1- I am gonna write it and sign it.  Stay tuned.

Thanks for reading! Whatever your New Year’s resolution is, or isn’t, I wish you a very blessed 2015!




7 Weeks Post OP: Burnin’ up Recovery Road!

The cast came off last week! I couldn’t have been happier to get rid of the Aircast/moonboot! It made me look like Robo-Mom preparing for a launch to outer space!  It feels so incredible to have regained my mobility and freedom.  I CAN DRIVE MYSELF, Y’all! I’ve not taken too much of that freedom, though, since Stinkerbell is still insistent on driving.  She has a learner’s permit until April.  Then she gets her license.  THEN we will talk about some freedom!

***There’s a picture below of my ankle with stitches, so if you don’t wanna see, don’t scroll down.  It’s not too terrible!***



I started PT the day after the cast came off.  I am so ready to strengthen my Achilles tendon and calf muscle after six weeks of sitting on my butt! Even the PT guy was amazed at how well it is healing.  It doesn’t really hurt…it’s just stiff and a little uncomfortable.  PT will help that.  Right now I am limited to physical exercise that involve my feet.  Only the bike and the pool.  I am not a lover of the pool in the winter months, but I need to learn to love it.  It is great exercise, and I think it would really help in becoming stronger. I’ll get back to ya on that one…Otherwise, I am using the stationary bike at my gym, and am doing some upper body work.  I am some kinda out of SHAPE! Well, if you consider round a shape, I am IN SHAPE! But- it’s a relief to finally get moving again.  The first couple of days after the cast were good, but I  did overdo it 2 of those days.  It’s a learning process for me.  I know I can’t do what I used to- and that it will all take time.  Just walking around the grocery store is a stress on the Achilles that I can’t explain.  Not a huge PAIN- just an ongoing ACHE.  Can’t even THINK about any kind of distance walking or elliptical for at least 6 more weeks.  Boo:(  Until then, I am using this piece of equipment.  Seems to not hurt my foot as much as the bike:


Here is a photo of one week after my surgery, and the day the boot went bye-bye:



Still swollen, but SUCH a vast improvement! I am thrilled with progress so far.  PT guy (Greg) gave me lots of exercises and stretches to do.  And I pretty much do them throughout the day, ALL day.  I go 2x a week for a while, and then we’ll go to once a week.  Which is a good thing, because even with insurance that crap is expensive!

I told Haley the other day I feel like I am waddling when I walk, LOL.  It’s an improvement over the initial drag-my-right-foot-beside-me walk I was doing last week.  This week is better, but I am slow.  I take stairs one step at a time coming down them- kinda like a 2 year old does when she’s learning:) And don’t think for a minute I haven’t thought of sliding down the steps on my butt like a 2 year old!

So there you have it! I am recovering nicely and really thankful for the healing.  Even now, with the surgery behind me, the pain is nowhere nearly as bad as it was before the surgery.  It’s just different and not even really a pain.  It’s just weakness that will go away in the coming months.

For all of you who came by, texted, emailed, called, brought my family food, and prayed for me and my family- THANK YOU! My family has been amazing through these last 7 weeks.  I am typically the “Doer of all things” in my house.  It was hard to accept help, but in this case, I really had no choice but to let others do for me.  I am so grateful for all of those blessings!

Speaking of gratefulness and blessings- Christmas is in just 2 weeks! I have done most of my shopping online and am finished for the most part.  But this year I am trying not to get so caught up in the shopping and craziness this season can bring.  There’s a reason for this season, and it ain’t a sale at the WalMart! I am really focusing on keeping CHRIST in CHRISTMAS. It  is my nature to go overboard and spoil my children.  Not so much this year.  Not as many presents under the tree.  And if they get sassy about it, I will use my sister’s famous line….

“If three gifts were good enough for baby Jesus, it’s good enough for you, too!”


Merry CHRISTmas, Y’all!