Last night was one of those nights where insomnia came out to play, so I was awake for quite a while. When I can’t sleep, I usually play on my ipad for a while, facebook, listen to music…whatever.  I was uploading pictures to have them printed for my sweet mother-in-law, who does not have Internet access or a working computer at home.  From time to time, I take some actual hard copy pictures to her for her photo albums and she loves them. Pictures from when my kids were little…when Jason and I went on a trip…just miscellaneous things that I think she’ll enjoy. 

Last night I noticed a folder from our 2008 Disney trip that I’d forgotten all about.  I scrolled through the pictures, noting how tiny and innocent my sweet daughter and nephew were that Thanksgiving holiday in 2008.   Haley doesn’t look this way anymore!

Then I stumbled on a picture that pretty much made me gasp, choke, and want to vomit all at once.

Damn, what a difference nearly five years makes.

May 2013 159 pounds.

Yes, I just told the Internet world what I weighed and what I currently weigh.  Who cares.  Really? Ya’ll are bright people.  You knew I didn’t weigh 100 pounds then or now:)   But 144 is the goal, and I am not that far away!

The picture on the left- I am not sure what to say, other than I was a terribly unhappy person then, even though I was visiting the happiest place on earth!!

The picture on the right is a much more accurate description of how I feel now.  Much happier and more fluid with my body’s motions and way more fit. Still the same ME…but a little less afraid.  Less reserved.  I no longer have that apologetic look in my eye upon meeting people as if to say, “Hi, nice to meet you, sorry I’m so fat.”   I am still somewhat of the quiet one five years later, but a lot more confident and I am not afraid to look you in the eye.  I’m sassier:)

The point of this little post?  Well… I have been very down on myself this last week and I’ve gained a couple of  pounds.  Quite honestly, after months of being at a plateau, I am getting tired.  I still want to lose about 15 more pounds.  I was meant to stumble on this picture.  It’s the kick in the ass I needed to get moving again.  Insomnia really sucks, but I see it today as a positive thing because I am more motivated to move again.  Unfortunately, I can only do limited exercise for a couple of weeks while my left arm heals.  I have terrible tennis elbow.  It hurts to move it any direction.  I am supposed to lay off boxing, (!!!) for two solid weeks.  I am not supposed to use the elliptical or the AMT at all, either.  So basically, I can WALK and that’s it!

But- it’s better than nothing.  And even though I hurt, I hurt worse when I was that girl in the green shirt on picture to the left.  That’s a whole lot of hurt in one 5’3 frame. I can barely look at that picture without getting teary-eyed.

If you are struggling with weight in your life right now and feel like you want company, I’d love to join you.  Not so much as to help you…but because I don’t want anyone I know to feel as sad as the green shirt girl.   I want my friends to feel sassy and healthy like the girl in the Steelers shirt (that my husband says is ugly!).

Truth be told- YOU can probably be of more help to me and getting me out of my funk than I’d ever be to you. And I need some help because I am tired…plus  this time of year is especially trying for me and my family.  I am trying not to get sucked into the depressed person I was.  So for that to happen, I gotta MOVE.  If you need a partner to move with, whether it’s in person, or virtually, I am looking forward to new partnerships:)

Hugs all around ❤

DMG