Last night was one of those nights where insomnia came out to play, so I was awake for quite a while. When I can’t sleep, I usually play on my ipad for a while, facebook, listen to music…whatever. I was uploading pictures to have them printed for my sweet mother-in-law, who does not have Internet access or a working computer at home. From time to time, I take some actual hard copy pictures to her for her photo albums and she loves them. Pictures from when my kids were little…when Jason and I went on a trip…just miscellaneous things that I think she’ll enjoy.
Last night I noticed a folder from our 2008 Disney trip that I’d forgotten all about. I scrolled through the pictures, noting how tiny and innocent my sweet daughter and nephew were that Thanksgiving holiday in 2008. Haley doesn’t look this way anymore!
Then I stumbled on a picture that pretty much made me gasp, choke, and want to vomit all at once.
Damn, what a difference nearly five years makes.
You can say it with me…it won’t hurt my feelings.
“DAMN, WOMAN!? PUT DOWN YOUR FORK!”
|November 2008. 230+ pounds.
|May 2013 159 pounds.
Yes, I just told the Internet world what I weighed and what I currently weigh. Who cares. Really? Ya’ll are bright people. You knew I didn’t weigh 100 pounds then or now:) But 144 is the goal, and I am not that far away!
The picture on the left- I am not sure what to say, other than I was a terribly unhappy person then, even though I was visiting the happiest place on earth!!
The picture on the right is a much more accurate description of how I feel now. Much happier and more fluid with my body’s motions and way more fit. Still the same ME…but a little less afraid. Less reserved. I no longer have that apologetic look in my eye upon meeting people as if to say, “Hi, nice to meet you, sorry I’m so fat.” I am still somewhat of the quiet one five years later, but a lot more confident and I am not afraid to look you in the eye. I’m sassier:)
The point of this little post? Well… I have been very down on myself this last week and I’ve gained a couple of pounds. Quite honestly, after months of being at a plateau, I am getting tired. I still want to lose about 15 more pounds. I was meant to stumble on this picture. It’s the kick in the ass I needed to get moving again. Insomnia really sucks, but I see it today as a positive thing because I am more motivated to move again. Unfortunately, I can only do limited exercise for a couple of weeks while my left arm heals. I have terrible tennis elbow. It hurts to move it any direction. I am supposed to lay off boxing, (!!!) for two solid weeks. I am not supposed to use the elliptical or the AMT at all, either. So basically, I can WALK and that’s it!
But- it’s better than nothing. And even though I hurt, I hurt worse when I was that girl in the green shirt on picture to the left. That’s a whole lot of hurt in one 5’3 frame. I can barely look at that picture without getting teary-eyed.
If you are struggling with weight in your life right now and feel like you want company, I’d love to join you. Not so much as to help you…but because I don’t want anyone I know to feel as sad as the green shirt girl. I want my friends to feel sassy and healthy like the girl in the Steelers shirt (that my husband says is ugly!).
Truth be told- YOU can probably be of more help to me and getting me out of my funk than I’d ever be to you. And I need some help because I am tired…plus this time of year is especially trying for me and my family. I am trying not to get sucked into the depressed person I was. So for that to happen, I gotta MOVE. If you need a partner to move with, whether it’s in person, or virtually, I am looking forward to new partnerships:)
Hugs all around ❤